Grief does not always refer to a physical loss. We can mourn the end of a relationship. We can mourn the loss of a job. And...we can mourn who we used to be. Yes, used to be.
We go through stages in life. We change. We evolve. We "grow into ourselves". We "find ourselves". But what we don't talk about is LOSING ourself in order to FIND our Self.
There comes a point in our life...a shift, you might say...when we are called to release old beliefs, behaviours, and patterns that no longer serve us; creating space for growth, and a chance for us to embrace our Authentic Self.
It's beautiful,
Like a flower blossoming, or a butterfly breaking free of it's cocoon.
Or,
it's ugly crying in the shower...
Hear me out.
It is beautiful...on the other side...
So, how do we get to the other side?? Ahhh, the journey of finding one's Self, and the grieving we feel while releasing our Old Self.
I like to refer to this as the "Grey Zone". The ugly zone. The area between Old Self, and New Self...Authentic Self. The Unknown. It is the area where you are cracked wide open. Vulnerable. Exposed. Raw. Real. And, where you lose yourself, only to find yourself.
You're thinking...But, I like me. I am happy where I am.
Happy?? Or, comfortable??
As humans, we tend to choose what is familiar, comfortable, and safe. We rarely, as my husband says, Drive off the fucking cliff, into discomfort and the unknown
Given the choice we want to suppress pain and sadness. But, as I say, we have to Feel to Heal. And right now, you just signed up to do a whole lot of feeling, my friend.
You may have already been feeling nudges from the Universe. Signs, if you will. Seeing repeating (angel) numbers? Feeling those twists in your gut? Not quite sure what it is...
Meet your intuition. She likes to take the reins from time to time, and steer you into the foggy-abyss of the Grey Zone. She is your wisest ally. Listen. Sit with her. She will guide you only to your Truth.
And. Hang. The. Fuck. On.
You may find this all happens by accident - starting on your path to Self Discovery.
You subconsciously started to awaken along the way.
Next thing you know, you're diving into personal development books, journaling, meditating, listening to spiritual podcasts. Perhaps you've even started dabbling in the magic of psychedelics & plant medicine.
Now you're thinking...Who am I????? Why am I here???? What is my purpose???? Your brain is spiralling.
Deep breaths.
Before you know it, you're unearthing your deepest, darkest (not the "T" word. Don't say it...)
TRAUMAS *cue anxiety*
Childhood Traumas.
Inner Teen Traumas.
Ancestral Traumas.
Alllll the Traumas.
Yes, you just opened Pandora's box, and there ain't no going back now. So, buckle up, buttercup. Commence sobbing in the shower in 3, 2, 1...
You are awake. Awake to the fact that you have yet to resolve your past traumas in order to step into your True Self.
Awake to the fact that you are not living in alignment. You question your friendships. Your lifestyle. Your diet. Your career. E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g!
You have lost sight of who you are, and yet, you can't quite see who you are meant to be. This is where we start to mourn all that we thought we knew. All that we thought we were meant to be. Mourn being...You.
It can be scary, and filled with fear. It can be lonely.
But, it is temporary.
Everything in this lifetime is temporary. From our time on Earth, to that sandwich in the fridge, to the flowers in that vase. Find comfort knowing that what's coming is going. Knowing that we have to feel pain to know bliss. We have to feel confusion to feel clarity.
As we shed things that don't serve us, or feel out of alignment. We start to feel lighter. We start to feel safe. We start to feel Whole. As we piece ourselves back together.
It's time to let go of our Old Self.
Be grateful for what was, and inspired by what will be.
You can step into your New Self,
Knowing
Who
You
Are.
Congratulations, you just moved through the Grey Zone to the other side!!!! You are now living in alignment with your True Self. You are on your path. You are connected to Intuition, to Source, to Self. You are LIVING your truth. With purpose.
And, it is spec-fucking-tacular.
When we can push past barriers. Break ourselves wide open. Be vulnerable. Be true. Embrace our authenticity. Heal. What lies on the other side is Divine.
Finding myself was the hardest, most magical thing I have ever done. And, as uncomfortable as it was, I would do it again, and again.
So, get in the car. And drive off the fucking cliff.
(metaphorically!!!!!!)
Xo, Shannon