{Trigger Warning: grief}
You open your eyes. It's a new day. Maybe it was a dream. Oh, thank God, that was an awful nightmare. You can't possibly imagine having to live without them...
And then you realize...
It's real. They are no longer in this physical realm. It's not a dream. And...you have to go on one more day without them. The wake. The funeral. It's all happening.
Your whole body melts into your pillow, and the tears flow...
You sob.
You can't do this.
Not another day.
Your heart feels like it is being torn into a million pieces.
It's not fair.
Why are you left to face this pain?
This is...
GRIEF.
And it is most certainly the worst pain you will feel in human form.
You can choose to let it consume you. You can choose to give it permission to take hold of your soul. You can lose yourself to it.
Or...
You can embrace it. Lean into it.
And find the beauty.
You may not know this...I get it...it's hard to see through the storm of Grief...but on the other side is...
Gratitude.
After a thirteen year "grief journey" I finally was able to find the gratitude. After feeling I had to be a prisoner of the grief for eternity. Believing if I didn't feel the pain, there would be no memory. They would be lost. Forgotten. And then I would be left with the burden of guilt to be living, when they were not. This was my fate.
Why did feel I deserved to carry this burden?
Was this truly the way I wanted to hold onto their essence?
This was lack of self love...lack of self worth. To feel I didn't deserve freedom from the pain.
My world changed when I began to learn about all things ENERGY...
and that we are ALL energy.
Wanna know the best part??
Energy NEVER dies.
It is believed that when a person passes, their spirit (or energy) leaves their body, and ventures back into the Universe for their next mission, or contract. This may be far fetched for some, but for me...
This was the beginning of the thread that sewed up the hole in my heart.
Believing that...they aren't gone. They are here. For eternity. Wrapped around you. In every breath. In every step.
Finally. Clarity...through all the pain...all the heartache.
It was time to see the memories as memories. To feel the love as love. And, to live.
If you have been dealt the Grief card, you can relate.
I am here to tell you that there is beauty in death. There is lessons. There is the gratitude to be felt.
Gratitude for...
...the time had
...the lessons learned
...the love felt
...the memories made.
Your whole World will shift. For the better. How magical. How lucky were you to have had that person in your life...even for a moment. Even if it felt too short. They were written in your story, and they were brought to you with purpose. And, they are never truly gone.
When I lost my grandmother in January I found myself sobbing in the shower. And then I took that deeeeeeep breath in....and exxxxhalllleeeeeed out. Excavate the gratitude, Shannon.
Unearth all the lessons, hugs, cards, visits, card games, and baked goods that light up my Soul in memory of her. She is not gone. She will never be gone. She is here. And I am most fortunate to have had her as my Grammy, and now to have her as my Spirit Guide...my Guardian Angel...my ancestor.
The change of perspective on death and grief was what I needed to be able to live happily with those lost. And what I needed to shed the guilt...the guilt that I no longer felt pain when I heard their names.
Living with them, not without them. They are around you. Every day. They are Spirit. They are Source. They are the Universe. And, they are You. Forever.
You can find them in every sun rise. In every sun set. In every star. In every blade of grass. They are the Earth, the Moon, the Ocean...they are part of You.
And for that. I am eternally grateful.
Xo, Shannon