What is your first reaction when you feel sad? When you feel anxious? When you feel guilt, shame or remorse? What do you instinctively do when a yucky, ugly feeling bubbles to the surface?
Maybe you were triggered by an event that happened this morning...or you are worrying about the end of the month bills? Perhaps you are suffering from an intense anxiety spurt.
What do you do? Do you allow the emotion to flow through you? Acknowledge it? Let it be? Or...do you numb it?? Do you busy yourself so that feeling is no longer front and centre? Do you switch gears and feel another easier emotion...for instance sometimes being angry is easier than being sad...we feel less vulnerable this way.
You are not alone. In fact, you are the majority.
Let's use me as a prime example...
My old habit was to busy myself. "Road Runner" was my nickname my husband gave me years ago, because I would get up, and head to town to do errands...so. many. errands. The "busying" made me feel like I had accomplished something that day, which took away from the overwhelm of life that waited for me back home - paperwork, cleaning, laundry, cooking...
Now don't get me wrong. I love being a stay at home Mom. But I am human, and I used to spiral into tornados of inadequacy...whichhhhh I would avoid with the above.
My old habit was also to pour a bigggg ass glass of wine. It was a way to numb away those daily stresses of lack, overwhelm, anxiety, etc.
Kids driving you crazy? Wine.
Husband had a long day and you need to greet him with a smile? Wine.
Work is causing that feel of overwhelm and anxiety? Wine.
Overthinking? Wine.
Laundry? Wine.
Feeling fat? Wine...
You get the picture.
But the worst part...it is NORMALIZED!!!!!
The "Wine Mom" culture is reaallllll. And it's reallllllll hard to escape. So, I am speaking out of how I had to FEEL to HEAL, and stop my, as I call it, "Drinking Reliance". I changed my relationship with alcohol. I go through phases where I won't drink a drop for 3+ months, and I will also enjoy a glass of wine, sometimes two, from time to time. But I no longer depend on it to make me... happier, funner, or less anxious. It is no longer a coping mechanism.
This process is scary shit...but on the other side is FREEDOM, and CONTROL.
I had to put the bottle down, stop the mind numbing scrolling, end the 'busying' and over socializing. I had to take a good hard look in the mirror...take a deep breathe...3-2-1...
"OK, Shannon. It's time. Time to find yourself. Find your purpose. And lean into these feelings that are consuming who you truly are meant to be"
I had been listening to countless podcasts on personal development and I kept hearing about "triggers", "childhood trauma", "inner teen healing", and "rewiring".
Fuck.
You want me to excavate through all the rubble and walls I purposely placed to hide those bad feelings? So that I never had to feel them again...
Yes.
Truth is. We never truly bury those feelings. We store them in our subconscious only for them to rear their ugly heads when we encounter a Trigger.
Once I started the process, I cried...a LOT! Thankfully, my husband was also on the same path to inner healing and personal development as me, so we cried together...A LOT.
But once I started to learn to lean into discomfort, and the 5 T's - Trust The Triggers To Teach - it became the most beautiful process.
I stopped having "bad emotions" and just "emotions". Who is to say that sad is bad? It shows up with purpose. You need to cry. On the other side of grief, is gratitude. On the other side of fear is freedom. On the other side of confusion is clarity. And so on.
I started acknowledging and holding space for every emotion. As uncomfortable as some of them may have been. And still are. I still try to dodge the feeling of anxiety. But when it comes on I know it has purpose. I respect it, and I need to excavate to the meaning behind it so that I can change my perspective (one of our favourite words) and take back My Power. Anxiety causes me to live in the future "what if". I want to live NOW. I want Presence. There is nothing more beautiful and free than that.
So how do you get there??
FEEL.
All of it. Without avoidance. Without distraction.
With love. Compassion. Forgiveness.
Love yourself through it.
When you do...
You...
HEAL.
Love & Light
xo, Shannon